Afraid
by MaryRussellgrl
Summary: Grissom thought divorcing Sara was the smart thing to do, but even he can have doubt.


Russell walked to the front door of the lab seeing the man he knew well. Grissom stood at the front desk with a visitor pass smiling when he saw his friend.

"Good to see you, Gil." Russell said, shaking his hand.

"You as well. I suppose you haven't told anyone I was here."

"Just as you wanted. Come to my office."

Grissom nodded looking around before following.

An hour later I came out of interrogation sighing as I looked at the file in my hand. I looked up stopping as I saw Russell and…Grissom?!

He walked down the hallway with him talking looking around. Swallowing, I remembered I had not taken a breath in a while. Slowly, I walked to where they went seeing that they stopped in front of Catherine's office. I leaned up against the wall around the corner feeling a panic attack start.

Why was he here? I had not seen him in a year after the divorce I didn't expect to ever again. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm down. I started to come around the corner when I bumped into someone. My file fell as I stepped back shaking my head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you." I said, picking up my file looking up seeing it was Grissom. "Grissom?"

He watched me stand staring at him with large eyes. He said nothing as he looked me up and down struck as well.

"Sara."

I shook my head again trying to move past him as I cradled the file against my chest.

"I….I should…." I said, walking away fast.

He watched me go in silence.

Russell saw me run into his office. I shut the door breathing fast.

"Sara, what is wrong?"

"I….I saw…Grissom."

"Oh." He said, looking down at his desk.

"What is…he doing here?" I asked, sitting in a chair.

"Sara, he called me last week asking if he could come. I think he misses this place." He said "Would you mind if he came back?"

I stood looking at him.

"Came back? As what?"

"Ecklie is leaving and he offered his job to Grissom."

I sat down again.

"This is a nightmare." I said

"Sara, I know this puts you in a difficult spot, but in time I think it will be okay."

At the end of shift Grissom was coming out with Ecklie walking to the front door. I stood by the curb waiting seeing them come out they shook hands then walked their separate ways. Grissom stopped seeing me standing off to the side watching him. He walked over holding his keys.

"Miss. Sidle, what are you doing?"

"Waiting for you." I said, walking over. "Russell told me you are going to be working here."

"Yes, in the future." He said

"I hope that you won't find it awkward because of our past."

"What's done is done." He said, looking down then he looked at me. "Sara, how are you?"

"Great, I could not be better." I said

"Great."

I backed up walking to my car. Grissom followed stopping at the curb.

"Sara?"

I turned looking at him.

"You look really nice." He said, before leaving. I watched him leave then I got into my car driving away with a pounding heart.

The next time I saw him was a week later. He had moved his books and other office things into his office. I watched him walk around holding folders speaking to some workers. He must have felt my stare, but he never once looked in my direction.

Then a few weeks later I knocked on his office door hearing nothing I opened the door going in. At first I sat down waiting for him since he requested we meet, but then I became antsy getting up to look at his books on his book shelf behind his desk. I turned looking at his large desk area seeing a drawer on the bottom that was open a little. Looking at the door I knelt down slowly opening it seeing a first aid box and something underneath. There to my surprise was a picture of me and him looking at each other on the beach when we first got married. It was in a wooden frame. I gasped touching it turning it over seeing an envelope taped to the back. I took the envelope off hearing voices outside I quickly put everything back and sat in a chair putting the envelope in my pocket. Grissom opened the door seeing me. He closed the door walking around his desk sitting down.

"You're late." I said, trying not to sound shaky.

"Sorry, I had to deal with something. I asked you in here because Russell told me you have an outstanding number of vacation days and you are not using them."

"Isn't this the same old argument?" I asked

"Sara, you need to take these days." He said

"I'll think about it." I said, standing. "Is that all?"

He nodded watching me leave. I quickly went to the locker room taking out the envelope opening it to see a letter inside.

I took a long calming breath then I began to read.

Dear Sara,

I love you more and more each day. My decision to end our marriage was a painful one, but I had to make it. You seemed unhappy last time I saw you and I could see that it was time. You need to find someone that can give you what you need. Not some tired old scientist that chooses to live in another country.

Grissom

I stared at the words shaking.

Grissom was walking out to his car after work. He looked over seeing me standing to the left waiting. I watched him look at me in silence then walk over.

"Waiting for me?" He asked

"Yes." I said

He watched me come closer.

"What can I do for you?"

"I…I just wanted to….see you."

He watched me act nervous.

"Sara, what is wrong?"

I sighed as he looked at me confused.

"What is this about?" He asked

"Grissom, I saw the letter."

He took on a serious expression.

"What?"

"I found the letter….I read what you wrote." I said, feeling tears.

He just stared at me as I stepped closer to him.

"I know you love me."

I walked over hugging him. He didn't hug me back. I moved looking at him.

"Say something." I said

"I…don't know what to say."

I sniffed touching his cheek.

"Grissom, I love you. I want to be with you again."

"No." He said, making me let him go as he backed up. "Sara, I wrote that last year. I never wanted you to see that."

"I know you love me."

"I have done a lot of thinking. I don't think we should get back together."

My heart sank lower into my chest as he looked at me sadly.

"It wasn't meant to be."

He walked away as I nodded letting the tears flow. I went home shutting the door feeling the lowest I have ever been. I sat on my couch thinking about Grissom and the letter.

Grissom went to his office seeing the white envelope taped to the door. I watched him from the corner take it off opening it seeing the letter. He cleared his throat opening his office door closing it. I walked away slowly.

Later he came out seeing me walking down the hallway with Warrick. He walked over to the room I was in alone.

"Sara, can we talk?" He asked

I looked at him then I looked down at the paper I held.

"I understand how you feel, just hear me out."

"Grissom, I really don't want to talk to you." I said

He came over touching my arm. I looked down at his hand then at him.

"Grissom, I can't handle this."

"Sara, please."

I looked into his eyes then I nodded slowly. He nodded walking over to the door closing it. I leaned against the table crossing my arms over my chest as he walked back over looking at me.

"I….think we should try to be friends."

"Friends?" I asked

"Yes." He said "I don't want us to be weird. We were married, and now we are not. I want us to move past that."

I stared at him stone-faced then I looked down slowly nodding.

"Okay." I said

He sighed nodding as well.

"There's just one thing." I said

"What?"

I reached over pulling him against me kissing him. Putting my arms around his neck kept him from moving. I slowly moved my lips over his letting him feel the hurt and the passion I still had. He never put his arms around me. I moved back letting him go as he looked at me.

"When you decide to be human again let me know." I said, taking my paper leaving the room. Grissom looked at the table hearing the door close.

He came out of the building later seeing me talking to a man by my car. He watched as the man made me laugh making a twinge of jealously hit him. He slowly walked over seeing me look over at him.

The man looked over at him still smiling.

"How's it going?" He asked

"Good, was there something you wanted?" I asked

"No, have a good night." Grissom said, glancing at the man before walking away.

"Why don't you come to my place?" I asked

Grissom turned looking at us leave together. The next shift I whistled happily as I went into the breakroom. Grissom was drinking coffee in a black suit by the counter.

"Hey." He said

"Hey." I said, happy.

He cleared his throat as I poured coffee.

"How did your date go last night?" He asked

I turned smiling looking to the side.

"He was sleeping when I left so I'll have to tell you later." I said, walking away.

Grissom sat at his desk distracted. He played with his pen leaning back in his seat thinking about me. Looking over he looked at the picture of us on his desk. Someone knocked causing him to quickly put away the picture then go to work again.

"Come in?" He said

Catherine came in smiling at him.

"How's the job going?" She asked, sitting down.

"Fine, kind of slow."

"I came to ask you how you're doing working so close to Sara."

"I think we are beginning to change for the better." He said

"Gil, why don't you tell her that you love her?"

Grissom looked down.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I want her to have the kind of life she should have. She deserves someone her own age, not an aging workaholic."

"You two have been after one another for years. You had her and it was perfect and then you get scared. Gil, it's time to wake up and accept happiness."

"It was perfect, for a while. My stubbornness to listen to her was our downfall. I didn't want to give in and move back here."

"I shouldn't say this because I promised, but she loves you more than you know."

He nodded. She stood leaning over the desk.

"Get out of this office and show her."

She looked at him then walked out. He watched her leave then he reached into the drawer taking out the picture looking at it.

Grissom was looking for me finally seeing me walking down the hallway to leave. I stopped as he walked up to me.

"Did you need something?" I asked

"Um….yes, you."

"Me?"

He looked around sliding his arm on my back leading me down the hallway to the side exit. I looked at him. He came over to me not stopping as he pulled me closer kissing me. It took me by surprise, but then I relaxed into it. Grissom pulled me closer still moving his mouth at a quicker pace. I moaned as he sped up the kissing. I could feel his and my heart beats becoming fast. He broke the kiss pushing me against the wall as he attacked my neck holding my arms on each side of my head.

"I…have a….date tonight." I said, breathlessly as I closed my eyes.

"Break it." He said

"I…promised." I said

He lifted his head looking at me.

"I love…you."

I swallowed controlling my breathing as he did.

"You do?"

"Sara, I am so sorry." He said "I was pushing you away. I…"

"Ssh." I said "It doesn't matter now. We could start again. I want to be Sara Grissom again."

He smiled as I did.

"I want you to be to."

I nodded hugging him as he sighed closing his eyes.


End file.
